Here I Come Over all Romantic. On the Vicar's Face.

Hey everyone! Guess what? I am a father!

Well, strictly speaking I'm not, but I did do the vagina thing with a real woman. None of that 'doing it the other way to save babies' sort of stuff.

It took a while. But some soft lighting and a couple of doses of Rophynol and I was away with the fairies!

Right. Life updates. My readership of one is getting not patient. So much so that his hair fell out, and we can't have that can we??

General life things are moving along at a manageable pace. Nothing too fast, nothing too slow. Just the usual sort of speed. Not moving house, we realised that we were too busy. We 'agreed' this during the Rophynol session.

So I have been concentrating largely on the writing, with a variety of things happening.

I have also been working very hard on some work things.

The main reason?

I live in a world where we have paymasters. Whose paymasters are politicians. As a result, the ultimate decisions about our survivability are made by ill-informed rabble-rousing cunts with half an eye on their own cocks - when they don't have them shoved into key holes and trees and suchlike.

Anyway. Writing 101 ... updates since last month or six ...

• Flood
  The treatment went to the crazy Germans.
  
  Not so sure that they got it, but they were not entirely dismissive. So it looks like I might have to knock out a spec script. If that is the case then I will sit on it for a few months - get the college stuff (aka 'The Portfolio') done first.
  
  I also wrote a two-page synopsis that simplified the themes and spine of the story.
  
  Maybe not so useful for the Germans, but good for me and for the people who are trying to sell it.
  
  So the current status of this piece is 'pending German follow-up'.
  
• String
  Had a set-to with the Shetland Menk. We seem to be working better as a result, but still need to keep her motivation levels up. Obviously when we start getting paid for our work this will seem less like a chore.
  
  But ... we are close now to finishing our 'call it a treatment so I don't have to pay you' for the Famous Director.
  
  We have completely re-written the story, and I have just spent the last three days working on this and nothing but. Finished it at about 1am Tuesday morning.
  
  We should work through this this week, and then send it off to the Famous Director after next weekend.
  
  If he likes it then we get money to write it.
  
  If he doesn't then we go the extra two feet and turn it into a proper script.
  
  Then we start to hawk it around the world ourselves.
  
  The current status of this piece is 'going narrow then wide and shit'.
  
• Them cartoons
  Waiting for the man from the Beeb to get back to me.
  
  He is now away until early May, so status='no go on the no show homes'.
  
• Lillith
  Haven't had to do much here for a bit now. My last missive saw the step outline finished. That got approval to go to the next stage.
  
  So now it's gone to my selected professional advisor. He gives feedback on the outline, and using this I have to write the first draft of the script by the middle of June.
  
  Really, really looking forward to starting this. It's going to be tremendous fun which probably sounds a bit noncy.
  
  I didn't get a reply from my chosen professional advisor. He is too famous now for people like me. And directing a film in the US, which probably doesn't help.
  
  So I had an advisor selected for me by school. And he is very, very cool! I ain't going to tell you who he is, but he has written for loads of TV shows, is doing some stuff now for some actors who I admire a fucking fricking lot, and he has cash flowing in from the Film Council for a horror film script.
  
  Given that Lillith is a horror film script, I think you get that he is a good fit.
  
  Current status='powder dry, cannonball in tube, swarthy foe in sight'.
  
• Mind Fuck Book
  This is racing along, although I have not touched it for a week or so.
  
  The book is so cinematic to begin with that the challenge for me is making it mine ... putting my own stamp on it.
  
  Tomorrow night and hopefully Saturday I will knock out another fifty pages or so.
  
  Again, going well, great fun, and a nice little portfolio piece when finished ...
  
  Current status='sucking me dry like a sucking loach'.
  
• Welcome to my World
  I spoke to the Irascible Tutor #1 about my rejection (see below) from the Film Council.
  
  Basically the official position is ... it looks pretty good.
  
  It contained a request to send in more stuff, which is not what these people do for everyone don't ya know.
  
  So ... another thing to write out in full, on the off-chance that the same person is still there and able to get me some sweet folding.
  
  Current status='assholes!'
  
• Good Wood Bad Wood
  This was a piece I did for college last year.
  
  About a man who mutilates himself for love.
  
  I entered it into this competition: http://www.iwcmedia.co.uk/television/drama_prog_1.html.
  
  Push boundaries' they say. Oh fuck, did I do that.
  
  But the problem is ... is TV ready for me? Is it? I somehow think not.
  
  I'm just too out there man.
  
  I have a lot to say and what I say isn't comfortable for those in the mainstream.
  
  Some themes I will be dealing with over the next few months with my writing:
  
  Gays burn more quickly than non-gays.
  
  If you wrap a turd with gold paper it's still a turd, but now it's got gold paper around it.
  
  When vampires kill miners they turn into vampires who eat coal.
  
  And ... if I touch a girl's hand for thirty continous seconds then I own her.

Look out world - here comes fatty!